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MRICH30001
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Name: michael
Location: New Jersey, United States
Gender: Male
Interests: movies,video games,surfing the web,hanging out with friends.
Message: message me
Member Since:
6/16/2003
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| yesterday was the first time ive worked with you in a few months for more then a few hours....
a whole day....
every time i think im ok............
something like this happens........
we see each other.......start talking...............things change.........they are kinda how they were.......
we find ourselves a foot away from each other.....when we have this huge store to be out in....
we touch here and there..................because we cant help ourselves.........
i find myself getting lost in the beauty of your green eyes..........
i notice little things like.............you've lost some weight.......honestly its probably 4 pounds........but i can see it....
you mention your current boyfriend .....in passing....you know i could care less........its almost as if to remind yourself.......
being close to you is dangerous..
you lean close.........putting your hair right near my face.............i lean close........because i cant not...
you know i love the scent of your hair...............i swear you do it on purpose.
you hold my hands...............disguised as letting me feel that your cold.......
we feel it..................
i have rational doubts....................but i know in my heart..............you feel it.............
if we both care so much about one another........
why are things the way they are........................ill never understand..............
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| I havent posted in awhile....
but some stuff hasnt really changed.
somehow......fate has put kathy in my store again............
and this time...i had nothing to do with it...........
i was actually dating a new girl i work with kristen........
when she was thrust into my lap again..
and things are so obvious...that everyone in the store has figured it out ..
.............the few times they have worked together......they kinda steer clear of each other...
they both know im pretty sure...
and while i try to get close to kristen.............shes apparently in a relationship........
and im like some friggan other interest........................
her and i share almost the same personality.......we like alot of the same things.....
and we tend to put other people in front of our own wants....and needs...
but i tire of her not leaving her bf..........who i know she doesnt care about really..........
and i miss kathy................more then anything ive ever missed before..........
seeing her in not good..............it brings back memories i long to lose........
and she acts like she wants the same things i do..............until i try to act on them...
i realized today its almost been 3 years since we went to see phantom...
3 years..............it seem like yesterday...........
i miss her..........
i have no idea about what to do.........
why are they both so friggan difficult...
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| and so...............
once again...my store closed.........and once again........ive lost you.............
this time however things were different.
since im dating this girl,you acted differently this time.
then giving me you prized artwork from your gallery........i dont know what to make of you anymore.
ive gone to the new store...
back with my old staff...
its easier.................im falling into the new step of it.....
i should be thrilled i suppose..
but i cant help but miss you........
i used to scheduale us together...........and it became the one thing ever week id wait for....the reason id go through all the misery that is work..............just to spend a few moments with you..........
now......as i go through the motions........im doing all the tasks.........getting into the flow........
it feels like im doing i all for no reason.........
i really miss ....................just being around you;.........
i tend to foget it when im with this new girl..........
but shes so inconsistant..............
i dont know her fucking deal...............
and while the last year and a half...........we didnt do anything outside the store together.......
i can never get even the smallest things about you out of my mind for long.....
this dam photographic memory that you taught me i had.........
i close my eyes..........amd can remember a time we were together in the smallest detail.........
i can even smell the shampoo you use that i like so much.........
i can remember the times when you lean near me and brush your hair into my face........
i can remember the times we held hands.........even if we disguised it as something else..........we both knew what it really meant..........
i remember sitting on the concrete of the parking lot floor that night so long ago.......when i made you sit in the car because you were cold....and i sat on the ground ............ive never been so cold in my life............but i remember id didnt care how cold i got.............it was worth it.............just to be near you some more.......
.............................................................
we dont really talk anymore........
and i know that its because .....youve decided that us was something that could never be..........
i know that you try to continue the course with your boyfriend now....................
and i know that while you want to talk...............i know the reason you dont....................
i know..................i understand..............
..................in all my life................i dont think i will ever love someone.......................the way that i love you kathleen...................ive never cared so much for another person ........and risked so much for someone......the way i would for you without even thinking about it...........
i remember ever conversation we ever had................and ever touch we ever shared...........
and as i move in in life....................i know i always will.............
i wish you were with me here in the new store.........
i wish i was fortunate enough a person to see you every day...............
i wish i could see you graduate this week................
i am so proud of you..................
..............even if you will never read this................
know that for the rest of my life.................you were the one that showed me exactly what love is...........
i had mistaken it the times before..........
because even though we are not going through life together...........
i would give mine in a second........................just to protect you................and be with you .....
i will always love you kathy..............................
i will alway.....love you..........................
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| you touched my heart today.
we worked together......but apart.....
i was kept busy by all my tasks.........and you with yours........
and you came by........and said to me..........
"hey,,,,,,ive only been near you 3 times today......."
in that small,timid voice.............that i know means you care............
..........
sigh.......................
i miss you...........i wish youd just say it.
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| and so.....
i talk to kathy sporadicly........and only when she contacts me.......
i talk to stella once in a blue moon when she appears out of nowhere..
no idea whats in kristines head................not that it matters...........
work sucks.............no matter how much i teach........they refuse to learn.........
all the pressure falls on me at work..
ive been sick.........
thenat home.............i just get beaten on beyond recognition...........
my ankles are at a new threshhold of pain...
..............
i just feel like noone cares..............
i had a little beanie baby dog..............that i had gotten for kathy on valentines day...........
.....and i never saw her...........
so i took it................and went to the paramus park parking lot...........and parked in my old spot....
where we speant the most time................and put it in the tree right were we speant so much time........and left..
each day i pass by there on my way home....................
and tonight i passed there...............and its still there.......
i somehow wish that sometimes she would just pass there. and see it....and know it was for her..........
but i know its a one in a million chance.............to think that she thinks of me.....or miss what we had......and that she sometimes would pass there to remember...............one in a million...........
in the movie.............chicago.....
there a part in the movie where roxy's husband sing a song...about how nobody seems him..........annd nobody cares...........ike he doesnt even matter..........
mr.cellophane...........
thats me.................mr.cellophance..............
im so lonely..............i miss her so much................
..................it hurts to just breath.......................every breath i take............is just another reminder of how everything was so good.............and is now so bad................
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